Friday, June 19, 2009


Oh how I love thee, that pretty bottle of vodkee...

Why is it that alcohol is such a big part of our society?
Glad you asked, let me tell you.

The reason alcohol plays such a big part in our society is because life is a beyatch. Alcohol makes you believe that its really not that bad. It creates this fictitious bubble of bliss around you that makes you feel like everything is just peachy!

Well guess what? It's not peachy. In fact, when you wake up from that blissful bubble with drool spots on the floor next to where you passed out, and a goat circling you, your pounding head will tell you otherwise.

So how do you cope with life without it you ask?
Well I'm glad you asked that as also...

Just don't stop drinking. ( as long as you are not driving a motorized vehicle of course ) If you just stay in a drunken stupor you won't have to deal with the after effects of having been drinking.

Now as far as it becoming a problem and needing to attend AA, we will address that as well.
Step 1: Admit there is a problem!
Problem solved. I just saved you money. You're welcome!

Plus, do you really want to start disappointing your parents now? Didn't they teach you to never be a quitter?

And that's "The Way I See It"...

Sunday, June 14, 2009

Alcohol and "Big" People

So listen to this nonsense...

I'm sitting at the pool after a ridiculously long day at the office. Now keep this is mind, the average age of our community is an easy 60. So needless to say, it's usually pretty quiet and subdued, aside from the occasional old lady that pees on herself when she gets drunk, or the other old lady that turns into a lesbian after drinking. Well not today!

There are these slightly younger people across from the pool that are drinking some very classy box wine. The wine begins to take over as the LARGE individuals across the pool begin virtually making children. It was not pleasant at all as at one point all I saw were these tree trunk like legs straight up in the air. (please hold, i just threw up a little in my mouth)...... Okay, I'm back.

Now, I have my two young children watching this nonsense, so I'm getting a little aggravated. Well, my 8 year old decides she needs to go to the restroom. Two of the large people decide they are going to go to the restroom together (guy and a "big" girl). This seemed like the perfect time to get up from bronzing and tell them to get the hell out of the girl's restroom. I guess I did something wrong as the "big" girl decided to scream at me to mind my own business. If that's not bad enough, the guy decides he wants to get involved. This is when it hit the fan!

I really was trying to speak kindly, but the "big" girl was just of control. Paying good money to live in a private community, we have the right to ask visitors to leave if deemed necessary. If the small bathing suits on the"big" girls weren't enough, or when those enormous legs wallowing around in the air as they all made out wasn't enough, I felt them going into the girl's restroom together to "hook" up with my 8 year old inside was good enough. Apparently they didn't agree.

Okay, to speed this up... Cops were called, "big" girl was arrested, and now my 8 year old is scarred for life... Great day!

And that's The Way I See It...

Saturday, June 13, 2009

Text Messaging

So this is very difficult for me. On one hand I would make out with the creator of text messaging and here's why. It eliminates the non-essential bull sh*! that comes with talking on the phone. If you need to see if 3pm works for a meeting and you call to ask, you go through how many questions that you really don't care about just to ask that simple question. Let's be honest, do you really care how their day is going? Nope! Just want to know if 3pm works....

Now on the flip side, trying to hold a full blown conversation via text is just retarded. (And I mean retarded in the very politically correct, non Special Olympic kind of way) You can't show emotion via text. And seriously, stop with the f'ing faces made out of symbols... A colon and parenthesis does not in any way, shape, or form, convey your excitement level. So Stop!

And that's "The Way I See It"